Posted in Infractions, Update

Untitled thoughts – July 11th 2016


In addition to prepping the coffe for us both in the morning before I go to bed, Master has asked me to prep his flask and rice for his lunch.

  • His coffee flask takes two big spoons of coffee grandules.
  • The rice is a scoop and a 1/4 into a pan on the hob.

I am now regularly doing the washing up each day as well as doing a spot pickup in the bedroom to ensure it stays tidy. Master has asked that I try to wear skirts in the house as much as possible to get used to them. I’m still not hugely impressed by this request but I have tried to submit to it. I have added a belled coin belt to that as the bells amuse me. I like that my movements around the house can be heard.

I am now wearing the steel collar on a regular basis excepting when I am experiencing discomfort or if we have non kinky friends around. I was punished last night for not wearing it, I still had my day collar on that I wear to work. I had forgotten to change it when I came in. It has lived on the mantlepiece when not round my neck recently but we had had a non kinky friend around for board games the previous night and I had placed it in its old home inside Master’s bedside table and forgotten to replace it afterwards. Master had me bend over the back of one of the dining room chairs and paddled me six times firmly. I’m normally required to count but due to the risk of downstairs hearing me yelp, he had gagged me. I can still feel it today. My collar when it cannot be in the living room or around my neck will in future live on my bedside table so that I do not forget it again.

Afterwards we talked about a variety of things. We’re trying to work out what direction to take our D/s relationship which is fast evolving into an M/s relationship in. i asked to delay the conversation as it was just after I had been punished and I was too deep in sub/slave space to properly consider what direction I wanted to take things. I was liable to agree to pretty much anything at that point. So we talked about other things first. We talked about far we’ve come over the last few years and the recent rediscovery of my libido which led to my rediscovery of my love of submission. After a bit I felt much calmer and more in the right headspace to discuss things as full equals outside of the roll of Master and slave. We talked about a comment I ahd made just after the punishment, that I felt glad that he had been proactive and could take charge so casually, acting swiftly to correct a transgression. This led into a discussion about how previously I have pushed for a deepening of my submission and that it is beginning to feel more like both of us are propelling this aspect of our relationship forwards. Something I am glad of because I perpetually worry about topping from the bottom.

We’re exploring the idea of involving a third person in our play. We are approaching this idea with extreme caution. I have a fierce jealous streak and whilst I’m intrigued, we shall need to take baby steps. Master is quite keen on the idea of turning me into a cuckquean. When we discussed this idea in bed, it turned me on spectacularly. I get off on the idea of being the lowest and the idea of being made to serve Master and a partner is hot. However when we played with it as a fantasy whislt having sex, it laid bare a very primal part of me that had me clinging to him and actually growling ‘mine’. I think I may need to be restrained should we play with this properly. I quite like the idea of giving into that primal rage whilst restrained. Again this is something that will need caregul negotiation from all concerned.

However, Master and I are taking our first steps into exploring polyamoury. It was my suggestion that he explore the possibility of a play partner who can satisfy His switchy side. It is a rare part of Him that surfaces very occasionally and it is a part of Him I am unable to serve. I don’t have a dominant bone in my body and I want to give Him the chance to explore that side of Him. In turn Master has accepted my bisexuality and has stated that He is happy for me to play with a woman with the proviso that He meets her and is present for it. It should never be secret.

Finally, I have finally unpacked the box that contained the kinky library onto the windowsill in the bedroom. It was liberating to finally do it and it felt good. It made the bedroom feel complete once more. It’s significant in a number of ways. It shows just how far I’ve come with embracing my sexuality again and it is also the last box to be unpacked from when we moved to this flat. We are completely unpacked! Super exciting! It needs some weeding I think as some of the erotic fiction I own is total shit and let us be honest,  as a kinky bibliophile, I am always looking to aquire more books about kink. When I get paid I might make some new additions to it. I’m particularly considering The Ethical Slut given the interest in exploring polyamoury.

Posted in Post-scene report, Uncategorized, Update

Settling back into submission and perhaps slavehood?


(image shamelessly borrowed from Tumblr – I would love to attribute it properly so if you recognise it please let me know)

It’s been a while I know, but until recently there wasn’t much to say beyond the minutia of day to day recovery from my injury and general cycle of being a contributing member of adult society. However I felt it important to recognise the last month or so as I suddenly felt more like myself than I have in a very long time. I am finding it easier and easier to submit of late and look forward to it. Hello mojo!
Master and I have played a lot over the last month or so with a variety of things. We are exploring my objectification fetish which if I’m honest I’m still getting comfortable with. I have a latex hood that covers my face leaving just my mouth open. I adore wearing it. I love the press of the latex on my skin. I love the smell. I love the darkness that forces me to submit and rely on Master.
The other night we played heavily with it. Master placed me in the armbinder and put headphones in connected to my phone which was playing Huntsman of Gor and put the hood on me. He then placed me on my back on the chest that is currently doubling as a coffee table for us and put the penis gag we have in my mouth. I am able to push the gag out with difficulty but it’s tireing work to do so. We have a safeword signal for instances where I am wearing it that He knows to watch for which is to shake my head from side to side and shout ‘uh-uh, uh-uh, uh-uh” as loudly as I can, repeatedly, around the gag. There is sufficient sound coming out of the gag for it to be heard and the repitition and pattern of it are sufficient to distinguish it from any other moans I might make.

This done, He proceeded to use me as a piece of erotic art. I was soaked and loving it. I even achieved my first orgasm from Him orally going down on me. I have real issues with having my cunt licked. I normally dislike the sensations and as such don’t normally find it pleasurable particularly. However with my sight removed, I couldn’t see Him doing it and finally came from it. I’m still not sure I could have cum from that had I not been hooded. Just the strange workings of my mind unfortunately. It was seriously hot being reduced to just holes for Master’s pleasure. We played for quite some time before I eventually safeworded because my jaw was starting to cease up from the gag. I was very much in subspace when we stopped as proven by my first comment being along the lines of worry that I had cum without permission. Thankfully Master pointed out that I hadn’t really been in a position to ask and was fine with it. I was a little shakey but blankets, cuddles, water and much reassurance were provided and I was grateful.

Lately we have been playing with the cage that Master bought a while back and I’ve spent a few evenings locked in and having to ask for permission to be let out to use the bathroom etc. It’s a pretty big dog cage that folds down and with blankets and a pillow inside it’s relatively comfortable provided I don’t try and sit up too fast. Last night Master ordered me to dress in the slave girl outfit I made for Torture Garden a while back that is predominately a purple bra with a belt that has purple silk panels hanging from it. I feel beautiful wearing it, though despite it being June, Scotland has been a little chilly of late and I was a bit reluctant last night. I protested and got ‘that’ tone which soon had me scurrying off to do as ordered. I was then locked in the cage with my phone, headphones and my new WonderWoman comics whilst Master watched the last GoT episode before He encountered any spoilers for it. I was initially a little grumpy at being caged but soon was glad of it, I was in a safe space that meant I didn’t have to watch GoT with Him. That cage feels safe and secure and I enjoy spending time in it. Whilst I’m in it, the rest of the world doesn’t matter. I am at my Master’s pleasure to be blunt. It is up to Him what happens to me and even when the cage is not locked it still feels like that safe space.

We’ve also been exploring the M/s dynamic a little more and my current mood is very receptive to it. I’ve been permitted to wear the steel collar more this week and even managed a few nights of sleep in it although I asked last night to wear the leather one as I had slept badly the previous night. Not sure if that was due to the collar or other factors. To me, the steel collar is His. When wearing it I feel more like I am wearing His collar than when wearing the leather one. Master bought the collar as a suprise birthday/Christmas present a year or so ago and it has always been something I can wear on His terms. I love the unyielding feel of the steel round my neck. Marking me totally and utterly His property.

As we move forward, I’m looking to use Master’s honorifics more in my day to day life, although I’m still unsure as to how frequently to use them. I need to discuss it with Master and see what He would like. I’m open to exploring a deepening of the M/s dynamic as we move forward together.



Posted in Uncategorized

Much change and being Little


Much Change

Hello old friends, It has been a very long time since I posted on this and I’m sorry I have been away for so long. A lot has changed during that time. Master and I became home owners for the first time in Summer 2015 which was a massively scary process. We are just about settled now but it still feels like there is a lot to do.

During the move we eased right back from the D/s side of things because the stress of moving hit me like a brick wall and I found coping with anything almost impossible. Stress inveitably kills my interest in sex and can make for issues. Now we are more settled, I am using an app called Clue to track my menstrual cycle as well as when we have sex and there does now at least seem to be a pattern. I’m not as interested in sex as I would like to be but I am at least relatively regularly interested at least once or twice a month around the time I’m supposedly at my most fertile. I’m hoping that now that my cycle is settiling into a regular pattern that I can start to work on increasing my sex drive.

Our new flat is much bigger than our previous one and I can’t get used to the amount of space we have. It’s super awesome. However I’m still struggling to get a handle on keeping it clean and tidy. This was made harder by injuring myself quite spectacularly last November. I fell in our backgarden in the dark and inflammed the meniscus in my right knee. I can wholeheartedly recommend that you DO NOT injure this part of your body! I’m on a three month minimum recovery process. Initially I couldn’t weight bear through my knee at all and spent the major part of November and December stuck on my arse with my leg up steadily burning my way through interesting looking things on Netflix and doing cross stitch. This was great for the first week but after that sitting down all day began to be a literal pain in the butt. I had crutches but whilst crutches are seem like fun for five minutes, they very quickly become instruments of sadistic torture (and not the fun kind).

Fast forward a few months and I’m more mobile than I was. I’m now moving about under my own steam occasionally. I still wear a brace on my knee and rely on one crutch once my knee gets tired. Still no kneeling which sucks but I at least seem to be making some progress.

I’m still working as a retail assistant but with Master’s help and pushing, I have begun to teach myself coding with a look towards a career change. I’m using a website called Codecademy and have started with HTML and CSS as I’ve done a wee bit of that previously. I’m also doing well with learning to speak Dutch. I’m now in my second year of learning Dutch and can use basic sentences with more confidence than before. I need to work on my speaking but my reading is really good.


Being Little

Master and I recently decided to explore little stuff and certainly over the last few days I’ve been exploring it in relation to myself and enjoying what I have found. I seriously doubt that I’m ever going to feel the need for a pacifier or stuff at that end of the spectrum.

Nor am I going to morph into a pink princess, I am fairly resolutely a tom boy goth. There are some things that make sense to me. I’m a total magpie so anything shiny or glittery grabs my attention.

My little side doesn’t really have an age but certainly feels older than most. Im also not magically going to suddenly be obsessed with Disney Princesses although I’m not as adverse to them as I previously thought.

I’m a big my little pony fan so prefer my princesses to have wings, horns and hooves. I am NOT a clopper. I just really love the program. Luna is my favourite. I will post a photo of my Luna soft toy from build a bear at some point.

Coming at this from a bdsm end of things, Master will always be Master to me. I won’t ever call him daddy as it wierds me out since my actual father gets called daddy by me.

I am quite enjoying being silly and childish particularly at bedtime. Though it transpires that tickling Master is a bad idea.
We are considering a sticker reward chart for household chores and things that Master wants to encourage. I’m kinda looking forward to this. We shall see how it pans out.

My little-ness doesn’t feel particularly sexual and I am not playing at being a certain age. I’m not even sure I could pin down a particular age that appeals to me. I’m enjoying indulging my creative side with colouring in which turns out to be a great thing to do to relax just before bed time to get away from too much screen time.

Posted in Uncategorized

Bootblacking for Beginners


Last Saturday Master and I attended our first scene style event in quite a long time. We attended ‘Bootblacking for Beginners’. It turned out to be absolutely fabulous. This is the text from the main advert for it.

“If you have ever wondered what the big deal was about Bootblacks and Bootblack culture this is a great opportunity to meet one! the class is free but we are asking for donations to cover some of Boy Grayson’s travel costs.

Bootblack or “bootblacking” is a term that lots of folks cock their heads at in confusion. Putting it plainly, bootblacks are the stewards of leather. We care for, repair and at times worship it. Never fear though, it isn’t all intense rubbing in darkly lit bar rooms. (Unfortunately!).

In this beginners class I will teach you a bit of history, a whole lot of practical know how and hopefully clear up the mystery with a live demonstration of the art!

Boy Grayson is an avalanche of personality. He’s a service submissive, leatherboy, kitten and sadistic top. Grayson has presented for the Knights of Leather, Titans of the Midwest and most recently at the Rome BDSM Conference; with a focus on bootblacking, the art of the gentlemanly shave and cigar play.”

We met some wonderful people and I learnt a lot from it. I finally have a decent in road into how to care for Master’s boots properly. Bootblacking is something I’ve always been fascinated by but thought it the preserve of gay men. That was the image I’ve most often run into but it turns out women can do it to. I’ll confess I do sometimes wonder whether I should have been born a gay man given the number of my interests that lean towards the sorts of stuff they enjoy.

I have since ordered saddle soap, a new brush and also a book that Grayson recommended called “Beyond Bootblacking: A Guide To Selecting And Caring For Leather Gear”. Ordered that this morning and got it delivered to our local Amazon locker so it should be there tomorrow. Not that I’m keen or anything…ahem.

Later on that evening when we got home, Master decided that we would indulge in some play. His initial thought was that things would lead into some pony play but ultimately that didn’t happen, partly because I wasn’t in the right headspace for it and partly because Master decided that it didn’t really lead on from what we had done up to that point.

I started off wearing the red and black pvc corset, my trousers and my knee pads (I have a knee injury that I’m receiving physio for but kneeling can be hard) and Master asked me to get out the various tools and things I would need to do His boots whilst He got changed into something more appropriate. I was to place the things I needed out and then stand with my hands behind my back and my eyes looking straight ahead.

I was having some anxiety issues at this point as it had been a long time since we had done much play. My mind was busy lying to me about what could go wrong and pointing out how much the corset didn’t look good on me anymore. I found the act of standing still and not fidgeting whilst Master got ready incredibly hard work. I do sometimes find that I have to fight part of my mind in order to submit the way I want to. I was relieved when Master reappeared. He was dressed in white jodhpurs, a black shirt with a blue and grey tie, His officer style jacket and His jack boots. He was also carrying His crop. I have a love hate relationship with that tool. It stings more than I like but it makes me so damn wet. He had me kneel in front of Him and take care of His boots. It was at this point that we discovered that unfortunately I didn’t have the range of motion required because of the corset. I apologised profusely and was promptly informed that I should be quiet. We are working on how much I apologise at the moment. I over apologise for things that don’t need apologies. Whilst I’ve not made much progress in not doing it to begin with, I have for the most part managed to silence my tongue when told to. It’s progress of a sort.

Once it was removed I got back to work, practicing the right amount of pressure to massage Master’s feet at the same time as cleaning the boots. Whilst I was doing this, Master began gently using the crop against my back. He also occasionally switched it up doing it harder which caused me to pause in what I was doing. Master reacted to this by asking me if I’d been told to stop and doing it again. Such delicious torment. By the time I was satisfied with the way Master’s boots looked I was seriously turned on. He had me stand up whilst He removed my trousers and my pants. Master then asked me in a severe tone to explain the state of my underwear. I cringed and promptly got told to look Him in the eyes and to explain the state of them. I managed to squeak that they were damp before desperately casting my eyes to the floor again. This was proving to be incredibly humiliating and I was struggling but at the same time incredibly turned on by the stern persona which He was portraying. I escalated it to stating they were wet but He still wasn’t satisfied. I really didn’t want to say what I could tell He wanted me to say. It was just too humiliating. I could have safeworded out at this point, I nearly did but then something inside me clicked and subspace arrived.

I very quietly told Him that my underwear was soaking wet and promptly burst into tears at Him. He held me close and hugged me as I found all the stress from the previous week washed out of me. Eventually I managed to stem the tears and asked for a drink which He gave me. Once I’d drank my fill, He grabbed me by the hair and pulled my head down to the level of His waist and through to the bedroom.

Afterwards, He said that it was at this point that He realised just how submissive I was feeling. I would normally protest at this, as I can be something of a smart-arsed submissive and quite enjoy fighting back. I like to be overpowered. It thrills me. This time though I merely squeaked in surprise and followed. He bade me kneel on the bed on all fours, whereupon we had some epic sex. At one point He turned me over and dug His fingers into my thighs. I rocketed higher and further into subspace than I have been in a long time. I was almost beyond speech. It was super sexy. I trust Him to spot for me when I’m in this state. We’ve been together long enough that He can bring me back down if He needs too. Afterwards He cuddled with me and slowly brought me back down asking me simple questions like my name and where I lived. I was eventually back to a point where I was able to pleasure Him and loved hearing Him moaning as I sucked His cock. It was rather beautiful.

It felt good to play again and He commented the day after that I seemed a lot happier in myself than I have in a long, long time.

As for the damn black dog? He’s more of a sleepy puppy at the moment.


Posted in Uncategorized

To do lists: aka how to keep the perfectionist submissive from trying to do everything at once and ultimately failing

I like to do things right first time. I like things to be as perfect as I can make them. In the right circumstances this is a good thing but when it is coupled with a mind prone to depression that’s when things get a little interesting. I tend to find that when depression bites hardest I tend to retreat into myself and want to hide under a rock. This leads to household tasks not getting done and the house gets messier and messier until ultimately when I do have the energy and drive the whole task is so overwhelming that I can’t face it. Cue a vicious cycle.

Master has however come out with a cunning plan – The humble To-Do List. Now I had tried using a to-do list before but overwhelmed myself by adding absolutely everything that needed doing to this list. These last few days though, Master has been providing me with instructions for tasks that need doing whilst He is at work. I’m on holiday this week so had plenty of time to tackle some of the bigger tasks. There are a couple of set things that I am already in the habit of doing that I’ve added to the list after the ones that He has set such as making the bed and doing the washing up. My thought process being that it allows me to tick a few things off fairly early on and shows me I’m making some progress.

So Sunday saw me tackle the kitchenette area, doing the washing up and wiping down the sides and the hob. Yesterday was busier as I dealt with the morass that proclaims to be our dining room/living room table but frequently becomes a hot-spot for dumping stuff as well as the chair in the corner that had previously been my curl up and read in chair. I’m glad to have that back now. I finished pairing the socks. The other rather exciting thing from yesterday was the phone call I made in the morning. Master and I have put in an offer on a flat which is both terrifyingly grown up and exciting at the same time.

Today I tackled the bathroom and did the hoovering. I’ll confess the bathroom is one of my most loathed jobs in the entire place but the sense of satisfaction when it’s shiny clean again is a nice one. Finally the other thing I’ve been adding to the list has been my physio for my knee which I had gotten lax about doing. It’s helping to be able to tick that off.

Master has been pleased with the level of service that this has been producing and I even managed to earn an unexpected reward yesterday. Master had me kneel on a pillow in front of Him and then He placed the blindfold on me and fed me pieces of a Dairy Milk bar from His hand which I was only allowed to take with my mouth. Whilst He did this He told me how pleased He was with my progress and those wonderful words Good Girl. I was pretty melty despite the fact that I was also curled around a hot water bottle thanks to Aunt Irma’s monthly visit. It was all the better for its unexpectedness I think. Certainly I’m feeling pretty happy in myself at the moment.

Posted in Uncategorized

Naked Neck

Currently I am unable to wear my collar after what we suspect was a stress reaction caused a rash across the back of my neck which my collar rubbed over night causing an angry red line to appear just where it sits. We’re waiting for it to heal fully before I can wear anything around my neck be that my home/everyday collar or my pendant for work. It sucks if I’m entirely honest. Ironically I feel entirely naked without it. I’m so used to touching it, handling it, fiddling with it over the course of the day almost like a security blanket that without it I’ve felt a little lost.

However, it has given me a chance to contemplate the fact that it is not the collar that makes the slave. I am no less Master’s slave just because my neck is bare. It has made me think more about what that means than normal and I feel the better for it. That is of course, she says, not to say that I don’t want my collar back. I miss it so much, but rather that the break has reminded me that it is not the collar but my actions that mark me as His slave.

This morning has been a productive one and one where my mind has felt balanced. The washing up is done minus one glass and a bowl I used for my breakfast. I actually had breakfast. My morning physio has been done. The hob has had a scrub and so has the toilet. The flowers I bought the other day have been prepped and put in a vase, though I think I’ve got a lot to learn when it comes to flower arranging. I’m more of the school of plonk it in the vase once the bottoms have been trimmed. I’ve even arranged a swimming session as per the physio’s orders with a friend for next week. Today feels like a good day.

Current black dog status:


Posted in Uncategorized

Thoughts on the importance of looking after Master’s property

Warning: this is largely a stream of thoughts unedited from my brain and it was also written from my smartphone. I will try and tidy it up later on on the pc.

Sometimes there is that moment of clarity where things click into place. Such a moment happened this morning. As many regular readers of this blog know, I suffer from depression. 

Of late my ferocious black canine has been fiercer than normal resulting in a vicious circle of paralysing fear of failure that was subsequently causing me to cease housework and hobbies and struggling to get out of bed. I’ve also been battling with anxiety and panic attacks in social situations as I became convinced that people could see how much of a failure i was. Stress chemicals then somewhat overloaded my brain making me flighty and nervous.

My inability to get myself moving in the morning was causing me to not have time to complete chores and causing me to resent time spent showering and or doing chores as I got next to no time to spend on myself. The more I struggled for balance the worse it got. I stopped looking after the most important bit of property Master owns, myself.
Finally Master came to my rescue and proposed a change to my routine largely in an attempt to actually give me some routine. Shift work that changes from week to week can make routine extra hard.

He proposed that from this moment going forward I would get up at the same time as him. I’ll confess I hated this idea. This would mean the girl who rarely sore the right side of 11am unless a shift demanded it getting up at 6 when Master is on site and 7 when he’s at college. I was horrified but the scraps of logical thought left that had been shredded by black dog could see the logic.

I have often likened my submission to something of a wild animal that requires taming or at least containment before I can settle to something. If you imagine a big cat that is caged for the first time. Big, pissed off, snarling and liable to hurl itself at the four sides of the cage until it recognises there is no escape and settles in the centre and purrs.

I need my Alpha to show me His dominance over me, to show me that He won’t back down before I feel I can submit to Him. Perhaps I’m not what most people think of as submissive to begin with. Perhaps I’m too proud, too forward, too fierce.

Many will say a Master shouldn’t need to prove Himself to His property, His slave. But I won’t submit to just anyone. Much as a proud  stallion must be shown that it can trust the person breaking it to a saddle so to I feel must my submission be handled firmly in a way that I might learn to trust in His Mastery.

I don’t enjoy getting up early, I am not a morning person and whilst I am starting to get used to it, there are still mornings where I feel positively mutinous and possibly murderous about being woken. I am however starting to see the benefits of it. Most days I am now managing to get the washing up sorted before 12pm. And I am showering every day. It has left me with the time to fit in my hour of physio in the mornings as well as the washing up and some time to myself.

Another thing we have started is a journal where each day I try to write down 3 things however small that I have achieved that day. It currently feels like it’s starting to help.

In beginning to look after myself,  I am better able to look after Master and serve Him better.

Posted in Uncategorized

Punishment lines

Last night I earned myself a punishment. Master had been tickling me and it had aroused me a little. Something I wasn’t keen to share so when Master asked me if this was arousing me I refused to answer to begin with. I grudgingly acknowledged the fact a little later. I must never seek to hide anything from Master. He therefore set me lines as punishment. I was to write out ‘I will not attempt to deceive my Master’ 50 times. I have done so and feel ashamed that I attempted to hide my arousal to begin with. I am Master’s slave and should hold no secrets from Him.



Posted in Uncategorized

Introducing my Master’s blog

My Master has begun a blog on Tumblr. It can be found here
The following is lifted from His About Me section.

A Tumblr for me to show some of the more interesting things I have come across on Tumblr to my Submissive Orchid, whose own blog can be found here:

Definitely NSFW.

This will also serve as a space for me to think about and share my own ideas about BDSM. They may not be the same as yours but please treat them, Myself and Orchid respectfully and I will do the same.

The most important thing that underpins all of my ideas about BDSM though is Consent. Everything that Orchid and I do together is Consentual. please look at the About me section if you want to know more.

About me

I’m late 20’s male and married to my slave Orchid. While I use the title Master in my tumblr title the only person that I require to use it is Orchid, to everyone else on the web I am just Avian.

I’ve been interested in BDSM for as long as I can remember and once I met Orchid we were able to both start to explore it properly and we have been doing so together for the last 6+ years. This Blog exists for me to show my slave some of the more interesting/sexy things I find on Tumblr and also for me to have a place to ‘think aloud’ about kink and BDSM and to share my thoughts with others.

They may not be the same as yours but please treat them, Myself and Orchid respectfully and I will do the same.

Three things underpin all of my ideas about BDSM though;

Consent. Everything that Orchid and I do together is Consentual nothing not consented to explicetly or imlicitly will take place.

Discipline. Both of the Slave and of the Master. If a Dominant is to discipline a submissive and maintain that discipline they must have discipline of the self.

Equality. Arguably this is Paradoxical within BDSM, I disagree. Within My relationship with Orchid I am in charge and she obeys me. However, She has chosen to do this. Other women have not, therefore I have no right to expect obedience from them. Additionally outside of our Master/slave relationship I expect Orchid to stand up for herself and take no crap. In the world outwith our relationship she is a free and equal person who should take advantage of all that the world has to offer and her obedience to me is a part of that that she has freely chosen and that I have chosen to provide.